


Nerdy Prudes Must Die

by Hatchetfield_Smoke_Club



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alice and Bill's last name is Johnson, Alice and Deb are honestly so cute tho, Bill is just trying to be a good dad, Deb is a protective girlfriend, F/F, F/M, Gay, Grace Chastity is bi, Hot Chocolate Boy is named Oliver and that's a fact, Smoke Club kids are icons, Uncle Paul and Aunty Emma, and has a huge crush on Alice, because I'm not creative, it's just the characters, like very gay, minor if any spoilers for Black Friday, the Smoke Club kids constantly have the energy of Joey and Lauren during Wagon on Fire, they're written as high Joey and Lauren, this is going to be a trainwreck, you can pry that headcannon from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchetfield_Smoke_Club/pseuds/Hatchetfield_Smoke_Club
Summary: The unofficial third installment in the Hatchetfield series.Alice is ecstatic finally gets to spend a couple weeks in Hatchetfield with her father and her girlfriend, Deb. Everything is set to be the best weeks of the year until Deb starts acting strange. Slowly but surely, everyone around Alice seems to be losing their humanity and becoming more and more violent. The only person she seems to be able to trust? The insufferable, nerdy prude Grace Chastity. Together the two of them have to find what's controlling Hatchetfield like puppets and put a stop to it.Based on the name "Nerdy Prudes Must Die" which Nick Lang revealed as the next Hatchetfield musical StarKid is hoping to produce. This is a fan-written version of how that story might look.
Relationships: Alice & Bill (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Alice & Paul Matthews, Alice/Deb (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Alice/Grace Chastity, Grace Chastity/Hot Chocolate Boy (Oliver), Lex Foster/Ethan Greene (Black Friday), Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Nerdy Prudes Must Die

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, this is my first story on ao3 and let's hope it's well received. I hope whoever chooses to read this enjoys. Disclaimer: The name of this story and the characters belongs to Nick Lang and StarKid, although the plot is mine.

Alice loved the few weeks of the year where her mother had to send her over to Hatchetfield to stay with her father. Of course she missed her father, Bill, and loved the quick days she spent with him, but that wasn’t why she loved Hatchetfield. Residing in Hatchetfield was her girlfriend, Deb, who she rarely got to see outside of short visits. Alice’s mom didn’t dislike Deb, but she disapproved of the two girls constantly commuting back and forth from Hatchetfield to Clivesdale.

The only thing Alice had to her advantage was her parents fighting for her approval. Bill didn’t like Deb, but he put up with her because he cared about Alice. Alice’s mother hated how much Alice enjoyed Hatchetfield because of Deb, so she took extreme measures, like letting Deb stay over at her house. So when the days finally rolled around for Alice to go stay with her dad, she was ecstatic to finally stay in Hatchetfield. The whole time Alice was packing her mom prattled on about things she didn’t want Alice doing in Hatchetfield. “If Bill asks you what we’ve been doing, make sure to mention Hamilton."

“Why?”

“Because we had fun!” Alice’s mother stated with a forced smile. Even though Alice could easily reap the rewards of her parent’s battle for approval, it had its own downfalls. While both her parents loved her, they were too deep into their battle of one-upping each other to notice that Alice didn’t care who got her more things. She just wanted her parents to love her. But she got on the bus without any complaints and took the short drive from Clivesdale to downtown Hatchetfield. She was supposed to get off on the last stop where her dad would take her to his apartment, but she got off early at the stop closest to Hatchetfield High.

Alice stepped off the bus when it stopped and looked around for a familiar face. Her leg started to bounce a little when she couldn’t recognize anyone around her. A pair of hands covered her eyes, causing her to jump in shock. “Guess who?” a voice she knew very well asked.

“Deb!” Alice cried, spinning around and hugging her girlfriend. “I got so worried when I didn’t see you.”

Deb was wearing her typical beanie and old workout clothes covered up by a dirtied flannel, but Alice was far more entranced with her face. Deb was practically lit up like a Christmas tree at being able to hold her girlfriend. “Well that was kind of the point of the hands,” Deb joked, causing Alice to let out a little giggle.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Alice sighed, content with simply hugging her girlfriend at a crowded bus stop.

“Yeah, it’s been too long,” Deb replied, leading Alice away from the dirty stop. The two of them walked towards the 7-11 where they would hang out every time Alice came to Hatchetfield before her dad would pick her up. “Oh, I hope you don’t mind,” Deb offered apologetically, “but the Smoke Club tagged along.” She winced after making the statement, afraid of how Alice would react.

Surprisingly, despite the Smoke Club constantly asking her to get high, those two idiots had grown on Alice quite a bit. “As long as they don’t get me high, I think it'll be fine,” Alice told her girlfriend, grinning slightly.

“Okay good,” Deb let a smile grow on her face, “Because I tried to get them to leave and they were not having it.”

“Does anyone actually know their names?” Alice asked after a moment of hesitation.

Deb shrugged, “I dunno I’ve been calling them Lung Cancer and High Bitch for as long as I’ve known them.”

“Would it be polite to ask them?” Alice probed.

“Do you think they even remember their names?” Deb added.

The two shrugged as they reached the 7-11. In the back alley, the two infamous members of the Hatchetfield Smoke Club smoked away as they got as high as Alice had ever seen. They noticed Alice and the boy shouted, “Come on Alice, take a hit!”

Rolling her eyes and leaning into Deb, Alice told him, “I already said that I’m not getting high, remember?” The girl let out a pfftt sound and they continued smoking away. As subtly as she could, Alice asked, “So who all is part of the Smoke Club?”

“Me! Danny!” the boy shouted.

“Me! Sof!” the girl followed up.

The two of them looked to Deb, who sighed and with fake enthusiasm, said, “Me, Deb.”

In unison, almost practiced really, “And sometimes Lex smokes with us too!” Danny and Sof screamed, frightening nearby pigeons. Noticing the lack of pigeons, they went chasing after the few who still remained farther in the alley.

In confusion, Alice asked Deb, “Lex Foster? From Toy Zone?”

“Yeah, she founded the club a while back, but she doesn’t really smoke with us anymore,” Deb explained. “Why do you ask?”

Alice shrugged, “No reason really. I did a history project with her once and ended up babysitting her little sister, Hannah. Nice kid. Although she did ask me if I smoked…”

“Alice?” a voice asked from beyond the alleyway, drawing the attention of Alice and Deb. Danny and Sof had disappeared farther into the alleyway, but the smell of their smoke still lingered.

Deb protectively wrapped an arm around Alice when she noticed the excitable teen standing outside the alley. Grace Chastity was the definition of a nerdy prude. She was short and wore thick glasses, and she always had some sort of colorful dress to match her bright attitude. For some reason, she liked Alice a lot (probably because Bill got along so well with Grace), but Deb’s mildly illegal activities bothered her to no end. “Grace,” Alice mumbled halfheartedly, “hi.”

“What are you doing in the alleyway? Don’t tell me Deb’s trying to get you to smoke! I knew she was a bad influence. If Bill knew about this -” Grace started to rant.

“Since when are you and my dad on a first name basis?” Alice asked defensively. She didn't hate Grace Chastity, but the girl was annoying and always made Alice feel like she was second best, like she wasn't the daughter her dad wanted.

Grace didn’t miss a beat, picking up her long winded explanation. “Oh well I talk to him at church every week and he’s a very kind man, and he brought me cookies the other day so I gave him some coupons to Beanies where my cousin works, and -”

The more and more she talked, the more Alice became upset. Of course her father payed more attention to Grace, she’s the picture perfect daughter. Deb noticed Alice’s discomfort and cut Grace off. “Alright, we get it Chastity, you’re a nerdy prude. Why are you here?"

Grace paused for a moment, hurt by Deb’s words. But she refused to be called out so she started her conversation right back up. Alice gladly entwined her fingers with Deb’s, and the two of them shared small smiles. “Ever since the school computers malfunctioned and the whole computer room almost burned down, they decided to let us out of school early. Because school was cancelled I didn’t have anyone to tutor in the library, so I decided to walk home!"

Alice turned to Deb, slightly surprised, “Your school almost burned down and you didn’t mention it?"

"School's burn down all the time," Deb brushed it off with a shrug.

"Well statistically -" Grace cut in, but Alice and Deb were quick to silence her, each with a sharp look of their own.

You could’ve gotten hurt!” 

“Trust me, Chastity’s making it seem worse than it was. Plus, I was in gym, so I wouldn’t have been hurt,” explained Deb. Sighing, Alice relaxed knowing her girlfriend had been far from harm.

“Maybe I should call Bill and tell him you’re here, he’s probably worried sick!” Grace cut in once again. “Don’t worry, he’s my emergency contact.”

“Why…” Alice paused, “is my dad your emergency contact?”

Grace had pulled out her phone and was already dialing, “Because my next closest contact works at Beanies and we all know -”

“Their coffee’s shit just like their service,” the three said in unison. “Yeah, okay, fine,” Deb relented.

“Yes,” Grace spoke to Bill over the phone. “Alice is with Deb and I at the 7-11 by Hatchetfield High.” They couldn’t make out what was being said on Bill’s side, but Grace was very loud with her expressions. “Okey-dokey, I’ll keep her company! See you soon Bill!” She hung up the phone and looked at the annoyed faces of Alice and Deb. “What?”

**Author's Note:**

> Wacky first chapter, I hope it sets a good enough tone. Yeah, of course the smoke club is going to be a big part of this because I love the two of them so much. This all might seem a little OOC because the leads are characters we don't know much about, but I'll do my best to build off of what we already know. I'm trying to make this a balance between horror and comedy just as StarKid does, but I make no promises. I don't have a specific updating schedule, but I do have a few chapters written out already, so we'll see how well this is received before I publish those. Thanks for sticking around, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
